DANGER STORIES: THE MOVIE

Prepare to learn everything you’ve ever wanted to know about sentient flames, extraterrestrial visitors and workplace dismemberment. DANGER STORIES: THE MOVIE is AGFA’s absolute favorite five 20th-century educational safety-scare films. Lovingly curated from Something Weird’s vaults and beyond, these surrealist visions have been preserved from 16mm prints originally inflicted upon the unsuspecting students of America. This is an epic found-footage ride.

MR. FLAME
This is the last thing you see before you die! On the surface, this cheeky film for kids is basic fire safety…but your mind is totally unprepared for the stoned fourth-dimensional Cenobite qualities of host “Mr. Flame”, with his rancid painted face and angel-of-death vibes.

ACCIDENT REPORT
“Sabotaged…by their own brains.” Mesmerizing creative choices abound in this true-crime dossier of possible bloody office mistakes, narrated by a creepy omniscient force with a penchant for purple prose.

SAFETY: HARM HIDES AT HOME
Aliens descend from UFOs to create a reluctant sci-fi superhero: Safety Woman, decked out in a jaw-dropping silver-mylar-and-sunglasses look. They teach her the mantra: “Aware…Alert…Alive!” Super-charming optical effects, bloopy synths and a surburban ‘70s shag-carpet lifestyle.

SHAKE HANDS WITH DANGER
You’ll be humming the quasi-Johnny Cash theme “Shake Hands With Danger” long after leaving the theater. It’s the biggest earworm in the edu-tainment canon. This gem explores the terrifying world of construction work, where life and limb is cheap! Helmed by CARNIVAL OF SOULS director Herk Harvey.

THE ATTITUDE FACTOR
A tense kitchen-sink docudrama with one hell of a gut-punch dark ending. This blend of real interviews and scripted vignettes investigates real problems school bus drivers face when their jobs are on the line. This feels like a lost ‘80s American indie, like something John Sayles would’ve won a festival prize for.